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+--- Thread: Worst Roman movies (/showthread.php?tid=4960)
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Worst Roman movies - Gaius Decius Aquilius - 03-12-2006
So we have a thread on the best Roman movies. How about the worst?
I want to nominate Revac The Rebel as the worst. Jack Palance. About 1958(?).
Revac the Celt is captured by a boat load of evil Carthaginians, who all have beards and sneer a lot. The leading sneering bearded Carthaginian forces Revac's sister to preform a 1950s interpretive dance routine, and she naturally throws herself overboard to drown rather than to do the dance routine.
Revac is picked up on the docks of Carthage by a Carthaginian princess who wants him as a boy toy. Revac is then delivered into the hands of the captured Roman consul Varro, who is now the head Carthaginian elephant trainer. Using the Carthaginian princess, in a deceitful manner never made clear, Revac and Varro scheme to escape the formidable walls of Carthage that appear to be made of cardboard and are garrisoned by plastic Roman soldiers.
Revac, Varro, and company take over the ship managed by the evil Carthaginian captain who ruined Revac's sister's film carear by making her do the 50s dance routine. Carthaginian marines appear to wear German WWI spiked helmets with the frontal crests removed, BTW. Predictably the bearded sneering captain and all his sneering crew die, along with Varro, alas. Revac sails into the sunset. Moral of the story: men with beards who sneer a lot will never prosper. Celts who overact wear no shirts will win the day.
I have another one that I got at a university used book shop and punk clothing store. Roman Love Temple. This is undated, made in the early 60's, I guess. The visual and audio quality are terrible. It appears to made in the Etruscan "tomb of the Reliefs" at Caere, or a close copy. No credits, the few spoken lines seem to be some form of Italian. Clothing is minimal, and this may be some early attempt at soft porn or an experimental film using (aparrently authentic) nude statues. I can discern no plot.
Gaius Decius Aquilius
(Ralph Izard)
Re: Worst Roman movies - Tarbicus - 03-12-2006
Druids / Vercingetorix. Dreadful.
Boudica. Woeful.
Re: Worst Roman movies - Theodosius the Great - 03-12-2006
Tarbicus is right on. Most of these modern TV movies are unsurpassed as representing the worst in the whole genre.
Just to add to his list : Spartacus (2004) and Cleopatra (1999).
No redeeming qualities, IMO.
Re: Worst Roman movies - FAVENTIANVS - 03-12-2006
I agree with Tarbicus: Druids, I couldn't stand to see the end of the movie, I had to go vomiting to the toilet...
And Arnold Swarzenegger's Hercules!
Re: Worst Roman movies - Paullus - 03-13-2006
Don't forget the wonderful historical atmosphere presented by last summer's wretched "Empire" :lol:
Re: Worst Roman movies - Gaius Honorius Felix - 03-13-2006
Most of the roman movies by Hollywood suck, I had to go to counseling after watching some (forgot the titles have to dig them out from the firey pits of hell, i mean basement closet). Not to worry though, when i'm a filmmaker I will make a great roman movie.
Re: Worst Roman movies - Jeroen Pelgrom - 03-13-2006
Atilla was pretty awefull as well
Re: Worst Roman movies - Virilis - 03-13-2006
One of the worst is definitely "king Arthur". It could have been so good, with little historical knowledge about late roman equipment. Berkasovo helmets, great looking spathas and Cataphractariis charging...
What we got? Pseudo-attic helmets, about four hundred years off the mark, excalibur which looks like a plastic sword from a b-version of the Lord of the Rings, very tv-film like athmosphere, yuk!
The worst part is that there will be no good movie about Arthur in the near future...
Re: Worst Roman movies - Matthew Amt - 03-13-2006
Worst Roman movies aside from Gladiator, you mean? "Age of Treason" springs to mind, supposedly based on Lindsey Davis' Falco novels, absolutely appalling. Oh, and that "Boudica" thing starring Alex Kingston was even worse! People seem to love the old ones, but Fall of the Roman Empire and Quo Vadis had me gagging on the floor, I'm afraid...
Hey, Arnold did a Hercules?? Gotta find that one!
Valete,
Matthew
Re: Worst Roman movies - Gaivs Antonivs Satvrninvs - 03-13-2006
Avete,
I do believe Faventianus meant Lou Ferrigno.(I hope).
afaik,Arnold only was in "Hercules in New York" also
starring the equally muscular Arnold Stang
couldn't be called a serious movie by any stretch,though...
Worst Roman Movies - Andy De Cusati - 03-13-2006
I would have to say that "Caesar The Conquorer" was the worst I ever saw. About 19 years ago a friend and I stayed up till 3 AM to watch it. We suffered through waiting to see the siege works at Alesia and it turned out it was only knee high log works! Of course I was rather punchy by the time the movie got to that point but thats what I remember.
Andy De Cusati
Re: Worst Roman movies - Dagann - 03-13-2006
Vercingetorix (Druids) is the worst movie i have ever seen in my life.
Cristophe Lambert is one of the worst actor in the world.
Re: Worst Roman movies - FAVENTIANVS - 03-14-2006
You're right Virilis, sometimes, watching that movie I wasn't sure if I was watching Saxon warriors or a MANOWAR concert!
Re: Worst Roman movies - Robert Vermaat - 03-14-2006
First Arthur, then Asterix...
Re: Worst Roman movies - taira1180 - 03-15-2006
For me it's Atila. Bad actors, wrong scenarios and clothes.