12-12-2002, 02:41 PM
FIRST AMENDMENT.<br>
<br>
A tale of Justice.<br>
<br>
Let's face it, when Harold W. Steeps was pulled over by officer Wilbur P. Harrington, from the Wilcox, Mo, Sheriff's Office he was barreling down the interstate past 100 miles an hour.<br>
But that is no excuse for the untolerable facts that happened afterwards and constitute a blatant example of how Justice can be profanated through brutal and thoughtless law enforcement.<br>
Take notice, I'm not gonna do that one twice.<br>
So, Steeps was doing 100 miles an hour. He's stopped by officer Harrington, whose duty it is to protect, serve and pull over assholes barreling down interstates at breakneck speed.<br>
-"May I see you driver license, please sir?" Politely asks officer Harrington.<br>
-"Oot gleet", answers Steeps in a friendly way while handing out the license to the officer.<br>
-"Beg your pardon?" Asks the officer.<br>
-"Ougl Beagl", Says Steeps with a smile.<br>
Officer Harrington, who's seen more than his share of yoyos in his twenty years' career, decides he won't pay attention.<br>
-"Sir, are you aware of the speed at which you were driving?"<br>
-"Tweedle dum", says Steeps, still smiling.<br>
OK, Harrington thinks, the man's frigging drunk.<br>
-"Could you please step out of the car sir", he orders. And Steeps goes "Eet woozoye wickybaa", before stepping out of the car, as ordered.<br>
And well, Steeps successfully passes all the funny tests police officers make you go through when they want to see if you were driving while intoxicated, or DWI as they say.<br>
However the only words officer Harrington can pull out of him are "Blazooie, glip, hooltop, pleenwee" and such.<br>
Officer Harrington has a problem. "Could you please answer clearly? Are you trying to be funny with me?"<br>
-"Hoowiltee", says Steeps.<br>
- "AWRIGHT TURN AROUND! YOU'RE UNDER ARREST BUDDY!"<br>
And indeed Steeps finds himself under arrest, handcuffed, mirandized and all and taken to the Wilcox, Mo, Sheriff's Office. Not suprisingly he is introduced there to Ebenezer D. Smith, known by the affectionate nickname of Sheriff Ebbie.<br>
-"I Caught a strange one, sheriff", says Harrington, pushing Steeps in front of him into the station.<br>
-"Zeeptickle!" Says guess who.<br>
-"Say again?" Asks sheriff Ebbie.<br>
-"Zeeptickle", obligingly repeats Steeps<br>
OK, to make a long story a bit shorter: sheriff Ebbie gets aggravated in his turn after a while and several "heebtooty", "ludwoos", "blouks" and other "oot greets" he gets in answer to his questions.<br>
And off goes Steeps to the cell, but before, of course, he gets his phone call. And guess who he calls?<br>
He calls his lawyer. Steeps is a wealthy person living in Washington,DC, and he can afford several. With connections.<br>
And for once he speaks clearly and what he explains to his lawyers is that he has been unduly and unjustly arrested for no apparent reason.<br>
He agrees he was driving beyond the speed limit when pulled over and states he is willing and able to pay any fine related to that misdemeanor.<br>
Then he adds that his First Amendment rights were infringed upon in the grossest and vilest manner, since apparently he was manhandled, handcuffed and taken to the police station simply for uttering unintelligible words, something that is definitely protected under the First Amendment.<br>
"There is no law against uttering unintelligible words now, is it?" sheriff Ebbie hears Steep say on the horn.<br>
-"We're in trouble", sheriff Ebbie thinks...<br>
Needless to say, sheriff Ebbie's office is slammed with legal papers, affidavits, subpoenas, the lot, quite shortly afterwards due to the fact that, according to those legal papers, officer Harrington had made a "Unlawful and wrongful arrest".<br>
The bill for damages after this "unlawful and wrongful arrest" is on the whereabouts of $1M, which is the technical term to describe one million bucks.<br>
Kazoom.<br>
Then, during an afternoon that will not go down in history as a great afternoon, at least in officer Harrington's book, that good policeman has to take the stand in court and answer questions from a beaming lawyer, doing his number in front of a beaming audience.<br>
-"Now tell me, officer Harrington, when my client uttered 'ougl beagl' to you, did he utter it in an insulting or contemptful manner?"<br>
-"I guess not.."<br>
-"It's not a guessing game, officer Harrington, it's a simple answer yes or no that I want"<br>
-"Awright... No."<br>
-"And yet you arrested my client and took him handcuffed to the police station, did you not?"<br>
Lawyers do love to use "did you not" or "were you not", for some unfathomable reason.<br>
-"So you assumed my client was suspect simply because he said, and I quote: 'Zeeptickle, heekbbotee krillwitter beagl.' did you not? Despite the fact that those words were uttered in a non-insulting and non-contemptful manner, were they not? You did not assume my client could have a pronounciation defect, did you not? How do you consider this serious breach of my client's constitutional rights, do you not? How do you behave, for instance, with paraplegics, officer Harrington, you shoot them?!"<br>
-"Objection your Honor, paraplegics have nothing to do with this."<br>
-"Sustained. It will be noted on the record that officer Harrington does not shoot at paraplegics."<br>
And so on.. You know, legal stuff.<br>
But anyways, they setlled for $1/2M, which is the technical term to describe half a million bucks or five hundred grands.<br>
Sheriff Ebbie's office acknowledged in writing in the local paper, "The Wilcox Telegram", that indeed it had infringed upon Steeps unalienable and unprescribable rights, under the First Amendment, to utter unintelligible words if he so wished. That was part of the settlement.<br>
Needless to say, sheriff Ebbie was not re-elected next time around, since the good people of Wilcox, Mo, had to cough up the half million through local taxes..<br>
Eventually, the court proceedings ceased to proceed and the good judge, whose name was Winston K. McIntosh, by the way, finally asked Steeps why exactly he had done all that.<br>
-"Eexbiuttle", explained Steeps.<br>
-"Have a nice day, Mr.Steeps", answered the judge. A prudent man.<br>
<p></p><i>Edited by: <A HREF=http://pub45.ezboard.com/bromanarmytalk.showUserPublicProfile?gid=antoninuslucretius@romanarmytalk>Antoninus Lucretius</A> <IMG HEIGHT=10 WIDTH=10 SRC="http://lucretius.homestead.com/files/Cesar_triste.jpg" BORDER=0> at: 12/13/02 12:25:24 pm<br></i>
<br>
A tale of Justice.<br>
<br>
Let's face it, when Harold W. Steeps was pulled over by officer Wilbur P. Harrington, from the Wilcox, Mo, Sheriff's Office he was barreling down the interstate past 100 miles an hour.<br>
But that is no excuse for the untolerable facts that happened afterwards and constitute a blatant example of how Justice can be profanated through brutal and thoughtless law enforcement.<br>
Take notice, I'm not gonna do that one twice.<br>
So, Steeps was doing 100 miles an hour. He's stopped by officer Harrington, whose duty it is to protect, serve and pull over assholes barreling down interstates at breakneck speed.<br>
-"May I see you driver license, please sir?" Politely asks officer Harrington.<br>
-"Oot gleet", answers Steeps in a friendly way while handing out the license to the officer.<br>
-"Beg your pardon?" Asks the officer.<br>
-"Ougl Beagl", Says Steeps with a smile.<br>
Officer Harrington, who's seen more than his share of yoyos in his twenty years' career, decides he won't pay attention.<br>
-"Sir, are you aware of the speed at which you were driving?"<br>
-"Tweedle dum", says Steeps, still smiling.<br>
OK, Harrington thinks, the man's frigging drunk.<br>
-"Could you please step out of the car sir", he orders. And Steeps goes "Eet woozoye wickybaa", before stepping out of the car, as ordered.<br>
And well, Steeps successfully passes all the funny tests police officers make you go through when they want to see if you were driving while intoxicated, or DWI as they say.<br>
However the only words officer Harrington can pull out of him are "Blazooie, glip, hooltop, pleenwee" and such.<br>
Officer Harrington has a problem. "Could you please answer clearly? Are you trying to be funny with me?"<br>
-"Hoowiltee", says Steeps.<br>
- "AWRIGHT TURN AROUND! YOU'RE UNDER ARREST BUDDY!"<br>
And indeed Steeps finds himself under arrest, handcuffed, mirandized and all and taken to the Wilcox, Mo, Sheriff's Office. Not suprisingly he is introduced there to Ebenezer D. Smith, known by the affectionate nickname of Sheriff Ebbie.<br>
-"I Caught a strange one, sheriff", says Harrington, pushing Steeps in front of him into the station.<br>
-"Zeeptickle!" Says guess who.<br>
-"Say again?" Asks sheriff Ebbie.<br>
-"Zeeptickle", obligingly repeats Steeps<br>
OK, to make a long story a bit shorter: sheriff Ebbie gets aggravated in his turn after a while and several "heebtooty", "ludwoos", "blouks" and other "oot greets" he gets in answer to his questions.<br>
And off goes Steeps to the cell, but before, of course, he gets his phone call. And guess who he calls?<br>
He calls his lawyer. Steeps is a wealthy person living in Washington,DC, and he can afford several. With connections.<br>
And for once he speaks clearly and what he explains to his lawyers is that he has been unduly and unjustly arrested for no apparent reason.<br>
He agrees he was driving beyond the speed limit when pulled over and states he is willing and able to pay any fine related to that misdemeanor.<br>
Then he adds that his First Amendment rights were infringed upon in the grossest and vilest manner, since apparently he was manhandled, handcuffed and taken to the police station simply for uttering unintelligible words, something that is definitely protected under the First Amendment.<br>
"There is no law against uttering unintelligible words now, is it?" sheriff Ebbie hears Steep say on the horn.<br>
-"We're in trouble", sheriff Ebbie thinks...<br>
Needless to say, sheriff Ebbie's office is slammed with legal papers, affidavits, subpoenas, the lot, quite shortly afterwards due to the fact that, according to those legal papers, officer Harrington had made a "Unlawful and wrongful arrest".<br>
The bill for damages after this "unlawful and wrongful arrest" is on the whereabouts of $1M, which is the technical term to describe one million bucks.<br>
Kazoom.<br>
Then, during an afternoon that will not go down in history as a great afternoon, at least in officer Harrington's book, that good policeman has to take the stand in court and answer questions from a beaming lawyer, doing his number in front of a beaming audience.<br>
-"Now tell me, officer Harrington, when my client uttered 'ougl beagl' to you, did he utter it in an insulting or contemptful manner?"<br>
-"I guess not.."<br>
-"It's not a guessing game, officer Harrington, it's a simple answer yes or no that I want"<br>
-"Awright... No."<br>
-"And yet you arrested my client and took him handcuffed to the police station, did you not?"<br>
Lawyers do love to use "did you not" or "were you not", for some unfathomable reason.<br>
-"So you assumed my client was suspect simply because he said, and I quote: 'Zeeptickle, heekbbotee krillwitter beagl.' did you not? Despite the fact that those words were uttered in a non-insulting and non-contemptful manner, were they not? You did not assume my client could have a pronounciation defect, did you not? How do you consider this serious breach of my client's constitutional rights, do you not? How do you behave, for instance, with paraplegics, officer Harrington, you shoot them?!"<br>
-"Objection your Honor, paraplegics have nothing to do with this."<br>
-"Sustained. It will be noted on the record that officer Harrington does not shoot at paraplegics."<br>
And so on.. You know, legal stuff.<br>
But anyways, they setlled for $1/2M, which is the technical term to describe half a million bucks or five hundred grands.<br>
Sheriff Ebbie's office acknowledged in writing in the local paper, "The Wilcox Telegram", that indeed it had infringed upon Steeps unalienable and unprescribable rights, under the First Amendment, to utter unintelligible words if he so wished. That was part of the settlement.<br>
Needless to say, sheriff Ebbie was not re-elected next time around, since the good people of Wilcox, Mo, had to cough up the half million through local taxes..<br>
Eventually, the court proceedings ceased to proceed and the good judge, whose name was Winston K. McIntosh, by the way, finally asked Steeps why exactly he had done all that.<br>
-"Eexbiuttle", explained Steeps.<br>
-"Have a nice day, Mr.Steeps", answered the judge. A prudent man.<br>
<p></p><i>Edited by: <A HREF=http://pub45.ezboard.com/bromanarmytalk.showUserPublicProfile?gid=antoninuslucretius@romanarmytalk>Antoninus Lucretius</A> <IMG HEIGHT=10 WIDTH=10 SRC="http://lucretius.homestead.com/files/Cesar_triste.jpg" BORDER=0> at: 12/13/02 12:25:24 pm<br></i>
