Tolkien -- Enemy of Rome

[Thiudareiks Flavius]

No, no, no Chariovalda - the Roman Empire was the pinnacle of wonderfulness in all respects and has never been romanticised by misguided and unsavory types (Mussolini and his pals were just misunderstood).<br>
<br>
I've been inspired by Dan's hilarious jolliness (his posts are jokes you see, not personal attacks, as indicated by his use of the emoticon) to create a coat of arms for Tolkien fans, students of the early Germanics, readers of <em>Beowulf</em> and other racists and Nazis.<br>
<br>
It would feature a "Germanophile Rampant", dressed in a caveman's bear-skin, weilding a crude wooden club, carrying a shield marked with a swastika and wearing a Kaiser Wilhelm-style spiked helmet set with large Wagnerian horns. He will be standing over a supine Roman dragon against the background of burning temples and scrolls, while Hitler, philologists, hippies, pot-heads and Tolkien nerds fawn at his (filthy) feet.<br>
<br>
I'll make up a prototype and award it to the winner of the competition below:<br>
<br>
<em><strong>Out-Dan Dan!</strong></em> <br>
<br>
Dan has been proving his skills as a fantasy writer lately, creating some hilarious caricatures of Tolkien and early Germanic history and culture. Now here's the chance for RAT members to join in the fun - your opportunity to out-Dan Dan.<br>
<br>
All you have to do is write a Dan-style paraody of <em>Roman</em> history and culture, using the same style of erroneous-but-almost-plausible-sounding caricature he's been employing in his recent mirthsome posts.<br>
<br>
The lucky winner will be awarded their own "Germanophile Rampant" coat of arms as well as the warm admiration of all those who appreciate good natured drollery.<br>
<br>
There's certainly a lot of material to work with - transvestite Emperors, civilian massacres, sickening violence in the arenas, mass crucifixions, the fact they stole all their ideas from the Greeks and Etruscans, their technological stagnation, political oppression, vile tortures - the list goes on and on.<br>
<br>
So get writing, and give Dan's jolly posts a run for their money.<br>
<br>
<br>
<br>
<br>
<br>
<br>
<br>
<br>
<br>
<br>
<br>
<br>
<br>
etc <p>Tim O'Neill / Thiudareiks Flavius<br>
<br>
Visit 'Clades Variana' - Home of the Varus Film Project<br>
<br>
Help create the film of Publius Quinctilius Varus' lost legions.<br>
<br>
Come to my [url=http://www.ancientworlds.net/member/Gunthigg/Thiudareiks" target="top]Stathigg[/url] in [url=http://www.ancientworlds.net/aw/City/23413" target="top]Germania[/url] at the [url=http://www.ancientworlds.net/" target="top]Ancient Worlds[/url] community.</p><i></i>