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TITVS SABATINVS AQVILIVS · 07-29-2002, 02:09 PM

Ok commilitones, do you have jokes (roman or not roman)? After all this is the vacation time... 
 
Here is the first one... 
 
- A man goes to the doctor: please help me, I've a big problem, when I've sex with my wife, during the first one everything goes normally, doing the second one I perspire a lot, really a lot, like a pig, doctor! 
Why doc? Please could you find a solution? 
 
The doctor: even if I'm an experienced doctor, really I don't succeed to understand why. Maybe, I definitely need to talk to your wife... 
 
Next time the man brings his wife. 
 
Well, madam your husband told me about his problem: when 
you have sex, during the first one everything goes normally, 
but doing the second one he perspires a lot, like a pig...! 
 
I have to understand: why in your opinion? 
 
Uh..., that? Sure: our first one is in January, our second one is in July...- 
 
Ualete, 
Titus Sabatinus Aquilius

07-29-2002, 02:21 PM

I'm afraid my jokes all target minority groups. I don't think they would be appreciated here. 
 
Except this one: 
 
"Knock, knock." 
 
-who's there? 
 
"Little boy blue." 
 
-Little boy blue who? 
 
"Michael Jackson." 
 
 
 
"Only Trajan could go to Dacia." 
 
Magnus/Matt 
Optio 
Legio XXX "Ulpia Victrix"

07-29-2002, 02:22 PM

A man from the provinces shows up at Rome and causes remark by his striking resemblance to the emperor. Eventually he is taken before the emperor, who is amazed. 
 
"Let me see," says the emperor, "where did you say you were from? I'm trying to figure whether my father ever visited your home town." 
 
"No, he didn't," says the stranger, "but my father used to visit Rome all the time." 
_____________________________________________ 
The Way of a Warrior is based on humanity, love, and sincerity.
The heart of martial valor is bravery, wisdom, love, and friendship.
-- Ueshiba Morihei
 
_____________________________________________

07-29-2002, 04:51 PM

3 celtic woman are standing on a street corner wearing potatoe sacks. Can you guess which one is the prostitute? 
 
- the one wearing the sack that says "I-da-ho". E EM "Only Trajan could go to Dacia." 
 
Magnus/Matt 
Optio 
Legio XXX "Ulpia Victrix" Edited by: <A HREF=http://pub45.ezboard.com/bromanarmytalk.showLocalUserPublicProfile?login=tiberiuslantaniusmagnus>tiberius lantanius magnus</A> at: 7/29/02 9:18:42 pm

Matthew Amt · 07-29-2002, 07:00 PM

Q: Why does the Emperor wear red suspenders? 
 
A: To keep his toga on, but it loses something in translation! 
 
Matthew/Quintus.... 
 
(I don't have many repeatable ones, either!)

07-30-2002, 08:50 AM

I don't know if this can be construed as targeting minority groups (perhaps so, but look at it in a historical context). 
 
On board a plane there is an Englishman, a Frenchman, a Texan and a Mexican. At a certain point the pilot comes rushing back strapping on a parachute. 
"bad news fellows, this bird's going down and to make matters worse there are only two parachutes aboard--and one of them is mine" 
With that he leaps out the door with a hearty 
"EVERY MAN FOR HIMSELF!!!!" 
 
The Englishman turns and looks at his flight companions 
"Well, being of superior stock it is therefore up to me to set the standard for altruismo and courage" 
With that he leaps out the door without a parachute 
 
"GOD SAVE THE QUEEN!!!!!" 
 
The Frenchman never to be outdone by an Englishman follows, yelling at the top of his lungs, 
 
"VIVE LE FRANCE!!!!!" 
 
This leaves the Mexican and the Texan who stand quietly looking at one another for a few seconds. 
 
Suddenly the Texan grabs the Mexican and hurls him out of the door 
 
"REMEMBER THE ALAMO!!!!!" 
 
I know it's kind of lame but on short notice it's all i'm able to come up with. There is the one about why Mexico doesn't have an olympic team....................no that one does target minorities. 
 
Joe Elrod

07-30-2002, 08:53 AM

Damn I need to learn to use the spell checker 
 
ALTRUISM not altruismo

07-30-2002, 12:47 PM

LMAO, that was an excellent joke. 
 
Ok, this one targets minorities, and if someone does in fact find it offensive, please let me know and I will remove it. Otherwise, it is just a joke after all. 
 
How did break dancing originate? 
 
- From black people trying to steal the hub caps off of moving vehicles. 
 
Since I targeted one group, I figured I'd be fair and target my own, being part french-canadian and all. 
 
A Canadian, Newfie, and Frenchman are on a beach. Walking along, they discover a genie's bottle in the sand. Reaching down, the dust it off, and begin to rub it. Sure enough, a genie pops out, and in a booming voice says "Ah, thank you for freeing me! But since there are 3 of you, I will only grant you each 1 wish instead of my usual 3 wishes." 
 
So the Newfie scratches his beard and says "Aye, I'd like de oceans to be full of fish again so our businesses will be booming once more." 
 
"It is done." The genie looks to the Frenchman next. 
 
The Frenchman gets a fervered look in his eyes, and cries out, "I want da wall around de entire boarder of Kay-bec, 100 feet high, to keep all de engleesh out!" 
 
The genie nods and says "it is done". He turns to face the Canadian. 
 
Looking quite thoughtful, he asks "tell me, are those walls waterproof?". 
 
The genie nods and smiles, and says "Yes, they are in fact." 
 
The canadian grins, "Good, then fill those walls up with water." 
 
 
"Only Trajan could go to Dacia." 
 
Magnus/Matt 
Optio 
Legio XXX "Ulpia Victrix" Edited by: <A HREF=http://pub45.ezboard.com/bromanarmytalk.showLocalUserPublicProfile?login=tiberiuslantaniusmagnus>tiberius lantanius magnus</A> at: 7/30/02 3:25:42 pm

TITVS SABATINVS AQVILIVS · 07-30-2002, 01:24 PM

Here is a romanized one, (it could be old or new, depending of Country): 
 
A young tribune goes to pick up his date for the evening. She's is a Vespasianus' niece and is not ready yet, so 
the tribune has to sit in the throne room with the Emperor. Suddenly the tribune has a BAD case of gas and really needs to relieve some pressure. At that time, the Emperor's dog jumps up on the couch next to him. He decides that he can let a little fart out and if anyone notices they will think that the dog did it. 
He farts, and Vespasianus says to him: "Sestertius, get down from there." The guy thinks: "great, they think the dog did it." He releases another fart, and the Emperor says again to the dog to get down. This goes on for a couple more farts. Finally, Vespasianus bursts out: "Dammit 
Sestertius, get down before he shits on you." 
 
Ualete, 
Titus Sabatinus Aquilius

TITVS SABATINVS AQVILIVS · 07-30-2002, 01:34 PM

Another one: 
 
A Seattle couple: honey look, what a wonderful sky...! Ohhh, it seems that one of Windows 95... 
 
Ualete , 
Titus Sabatinus Aquilius

07-30-2002, 01:59 PM

I don't get it. "Only Trajan could go to Dacia." 
 
Magnus/Matt 
Optio 
Legio XXX "Ulpia Victrix"

07-30-2002, 02:10 PM

In case anyone is wondering: 
 
Mexico doesn't have an Olympic team because all the Mexicans that can run, jump, or swim are already living in Texas. 
 
Joe Elrod

TITVS SABATINVS AQVILIVS · 07-30-2002, 02:18 PM

Ok Tib.: 
 
Seattle is a 330 days per year rainy city. 
 
Microsoft is in Seattle. 
 
Seattle citizens are not more able to see the real sky, 
due to the grey clouds and rain and due the fact they just confuse the real blue sky with the artificial sky of the Windows 95 background screen (that one with little puffy clouds)... 
 
Uale, 
Titus Sabatinus Aquilius

TITVS SABATINVS AQVILIVS · 07-30-2002, 02:20 PM

, good one Med. 
 
Uale, 
Titus Sabatinus Aquilius

07-30-2002, 02:31 PM

LOL....yeah, that was a good one. 
 
AH, I get it now Titus. "Only Trajan could go to Dacia." 
 
Magnus/Matt 
Optio 
Legio XXX "Ulpia Victrix"

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