How do you tackle...

[Martin Wallgren]

... it if you like me have a partner who is very uninteressted in all things that has to do with swords and violent history. For me it is a problem on two fields. The first is that my girlfriend gets bored when my friends get over and we starts to talk about well you know the bouting or famous romans or battles. Understandeble I know and we should be able to talk about other stuff, but most of my friends are interessted in the same stuff as I. The other is economical. How do you justify expenses around 100 evro a month plus more if it is an event or trip that month, when she feels a vacation on a beach is much more luring. As you folks know one often has to have a box of money in this hobby to use when a good thing flies by, and I don´t wanna use my hard earned money on promoting a future skincanser. We have a combined economy but have decided that 15% of our salleries is our own money to use on our hobbies and such.

It´s a thing almost never talked about on the forums I think. Only jovial remarks on if my wife/husband agrees!

What´s your experiences?

[Robert Vermaat]

Compromise. Compromise. Compromise.

As in all things in a relation, not being able to compromise will either kill your hobby or your relation, or both.
A disinterested partner can and will be able to blackmail you into giving up what they see (and of course, can make stick) as activities that take you away from family, and which costs money as well. You say that your €100 would in her eyes be better spent on a beach holiday? Try explaining these expenses when they can bring up spending it on mortgage, the house, the kids! :x

Does that sound negative? If so, it’s not meant to. Family goes before all, a hobby is (necessary) recreation and should not be used to ‘flee the home’. If it is, you’re in trouble anyway.

Therefore, compromise. It can be done.

First of all, you can’t make a partner interested when they really are not. If the chance exists, invest time to create a role for them – we male re-enactors have far too long invested time in our own roles, while too many ‘re-enactment-widows’ are dressed up only to make up the numbers or stand around. Talking strategy with one’s friends is not terribly interesting to your partner. But that’s the same with football or fishing, I suppose… However, getting others in the family interested can help a great deal.

Second, have them define what they find acceptable or not. You’ll be able to work out a compromise only if you see the limits, and if the demands are uncompromising and impossible to work with, you have bigger problems anyway.

Third, it would be great if you can make the hobby pay for itself. All too often I hear of people who have to sell their gear because they simply can’t afford the hobby anymore.
If you have a personal budget, pay it from that budget. Where you spend that on should not matter to your spouse (but of course spending it on her will get you a lot of things..).

My own experiences are, of course, my own experiences.

My lady has been ill for roughly the same period as my re-enactment engagement (not related), and it has been hard at times to justify my being away for weekends. She does not wish join me, mainly because she sees herself as knowing too little about the period, and she does not want to become a ‘dressed-up mannequin’ who stands around without being able to talk to anyone. Which I find acceptable, I know what it feels like to be a historian at parties for physicists. :evil:

So I set limits.

I try to be home each evening, therefore weekend events and events abroad are very difficult.
I try to have two to three weeks between each event. Now most events that we do are within a few miles of my home, so we can work within that limit a bit.
My son (6) goes with us to almost every event, meaning she has one kid less to look after and I have a reason more to ‘justify’ my hobby. It also means my wife makes trousrs for us both!
At this stage, the payment we get makes us break even I think, which is a good think because my wife receives welfare dues to her illness.

I hope that helped. Of course it’s better to have a spouse who’ll make your shoes, cooks food for the entire shieldwall and wield a sword (better than you?), but if not, it does not mean the end of the world.

[Chuck Russell]

knock her out, sell her kidneys for more play moeny and get a new girlfriend.






















hehehe jkjk


my wife when liked to do all the things i did before the baby came after that she's not really interested anymore. so whether they like it or not, they will end up not liking it. hehehe

[hoplite14gr]

Martin,

First read this:
http://www.potw.org/archive/potw96.html

Then try to see if its worth to try Vorty's advice.

If you think its not worth it .....

Try one-man testudo with your scutum!

Keep in mind that only mothers and legaly married spouses have legal rights.

....there are more women than men so follow last part of Chuck's advice.

Kind regards

[Martin Wallgren]

Woah!

Slow down. This came out a bit rough on my Girlfriend (Or the woman I live with as my wife but we are just not married., don´t know the english expression for it). She is very understanding! I have periods when I almost pass all conventions.

I was more in the line of how to make people in general understand you and your hobby. Parents, non-nerd-friends, workmates and other. How do you do when the blank faces stare at you when you tell your workmates about the latest cool technique you´ve done or how incredible important the victory of Arminius over Varus where.

[Tarbicus]

How do you do when the blank faces stare at you when you tell your workmates about the latest cool technique you´ve done or how incredible important the victory of Arminius over Varus where.

It's just not important to them. But they do like the stories of Roman suicide bombers (devotio), and centurions with braziers of hot coals on their heads. I've even got a couple of jokes, but by and large it's all pretty boring to them, which is fair enough.

I do have an ongoing joke with a couple of mates, "What did the Romans do for us?" "Bikini volleyball, double glazing..."

Imagine a trainspotter trying to tell you about a 1950's locomotive and how a train company's upholstery changed colours over the years. Some might find it interesting, but not I I'm afraid.

[hoplite14gr]

If your circle of aquaintances have interests and hobbies in their life they might not get interest in history but the will be understanding.

If they narrow down their life between work,pub and slumber they will not understan anything in any way (and not just history).

If people are willing ot learn share your knowledge, if not just do your hobby. It pleases you so this is more than enough.

Ah...
Folow a DELPHIC PROVERB: "Teach the young"

Enjoy your hobby

Kind regards

[Memmia]

I find most people I know have some interest in history (or are they just being very polite to me ? LOL!).
Up until almost one year ago I didn't have much interest in Roman history, I wasn't disinterested in it, though, but not really passionate about it. My parents and my fiance have always been keen on Roman history though, I was the odd one out :wink:
However, the influence of my fiance led me to one day look at alternative reading material and since then I've been totally hooked.
Neither of us are re-enactors, just 'camp followers' :wink: preferring to watch others do the all hard work and fighting .

Anyhow, regarding hobbies- My fiance is an archer and bowyer (longbows mainly) but he shoots all kinds of bows, and collects artifacts, and this does cost a lot of money, and means he spends some time away from home.
We're about to be hit financially soon, we are buying a new house and I've just found out I'm going to be a mom again in November.We are also now planning to get married soon , and even the smallest ceremony costs money :wink:
We've found one extra way of making some money though. My fiance is in the process of teaching me how to make war arrows. This will probably earn us some extra money. We've had some requests already. You never know, I may end up making longbows too 8)

So problem solved with us, when he is out and about enjoying his hobby, I will stuck at home making money out of it :wink: :lol:

[Et tu brute]

and I've just found out I'm going to be a mom again in November.

Congratulations!

[Steve Lenz]

No problem - my girl and i have the same hobby!

[TITVS SABATINVS AQVILIVS]

You'd have seen my wife's rolling eyes when I was making my squamata in the night on my apartment balcony, hehehe... A good thing in my opinion is not to talk of the hobby with her: resist to the temptation to involve her in the roman world in any sort of way, work like a clandestine and be mysterious. When at home PC, click and post on RAT like it was a pornsite (after all some of us consider it better than sex), if you are on RAT and she comes to see where you're online, close suddenly that fantastic pugio pic and go elsewhere (to porn, of course: it's more politically correct). She could start to think strange loops like that the events you attend without her could be frequented by voluptuous girls if you are so interested in armours and in being "cool" with your armour (mostly, she looks at any kind of "dress" like something to look cooler)... Magically, she could start to do questions to herself and to you about the roman militaria and immediately after, about the women's attendance at the events.
In any way, if you're lucky, she'll look at your hobby with different eyes, maybe more benevolent eyes. If you're not with worst eyes...

Valete,

[Memmia]

You'd have seen my wife's rolling eyes when I was making my squamata in the night on my apartment balcony, hehehe... A good thing in my opinion is not to talk of the hobby with her: resist to the temptation to involve her in the roman world in any sort of way, work like a clandestine and be mysterious. When at home PC, click and post on RAT like it was a pornsite (after all some of us consider it better than sex), if you are on RAT and she comes to see where you're online, close suddenly that fantastic pugio pic and go elsewhere (to porn, of course: it's more politically correct). She could start to think strange loops like that the events you attend without her could be frequented by voluptuous girls if you are so interested in armours and in being "cool" with your armour (mostly, she looks at any kind of "dress" like something to look cooler)... Magically, she could start to do questions to herself and to you about the roman militaria and immediately after, about the women's attendance at the events.
In any way, if you're lucky, she'll look at your hobby with different eyes, maybe more benevolent eyes. If you're not with worst eyes...

Valete,

:lol: :lol: :lol:

AAAAH! So the other night when my other half suddenly switched off the monitor with a guilty look on his face, he was looking at recurve bows, not curvy women!

Your knowledge about how women's minds work is way too good , Daniele, this is worrying...
Ladies, we need to change tactics now. :oops:

P.S. Thanks Dave

[Et tu brute]

Your knowledge about how women's minds work is way too good , Daniele, this is worrying...
Ladies, we need to change tactics now. :oops:

Ah, we have our ways

[Craig Gascoigne]

Martin

Your concerns are all very well made points. We often try combine some social events into group activities this seems to help. E.G we went to see 300 last night as group ,but met for dinner and coffee before and ensure that people brought their partner everyone tried to also speak about things they are interested in as well not only history. Very hard some times.

What I do is turn some events into part of our holiday so we do stuff together and then I often go for a day or two while my partner stays and does what interests her.

We also run banquet events that are more relaxed than full on historical events. These often are good as if they meeting and get on with other partners or group members they often not as reluctant to want to come to other events.

Go luck think you deal with a issue that all groups must face, varying levels of interest and commitment from both members and partners. There is no silver bullet fix just lots of work, trying to make all feel welcome and comfortable.

[Magnus]

Hey Martin,

I've had some experience with this. For my friends who don't do it...mostly they just make fun of me, but I usually come up with something whitty to reply back with. Some...well most people don't see what reenacting is about, so you have to kind of leave it at that.

As for my g/f....she's pretty good. As long as I don't spend essential money on my hobby, or essential time, she's ok. She doesn't get the appeal either....especially when I see a TV show about something warfare or ancient in theme. But that's it I guess...

You can't make people really understand what it is you're interested in, just seems to be the way.