Bonekickers go Roman

[Robert Vermaat]

The BBC's spectacularly dire new drama 'Bonekickers' (think CSI meets Indiana Jones, then remove all the good bits) is taking on the Roman period next week. Our heroes will investigate some "Celtic caverns" discovered under the Bath baths, leading them to unfold the tragic story of forbidden love between Boudicca and Roman soldier Quintanus. The episode includes the line: "We're being pursued! By gas!"

Professor Gillian Magwilde and her team of archaeologists uncover another compelling mystery this week, as the high-risk exploration of secret Celtic chambers beneath the Roman Baths unlocks a love story past and present. The ancient and tragic tale of Celtic Warrior Queen Boudicca and Roman soldier Quintanus is unravelled in the present by Gillian and Ben, who confront their own unresolved relationship amidst dark, claustrophobic chambers.
When an Earth tremor at the Roman Baths dislodges highly toxic gas and the area is evacuated, Gillian has the opportunity to prove to her team that Boudicca was captured and imprisoned by Quintanus. The team’s excavation uncovers 1st-century Celtic metalwork, a jawbone and an Iceni coin bearing the face of Boudicca. Gillian is positive that these are remnants of the Celtic villages described in an ancient text.

Gillian and Ben dig deeper into the chambers while Gregory and Viv apply strontium analysis to a tooth from the jawbone. When the tooth is proved to be Roman, Gregory and Viv question if Boudicca could have killed Quintanus, but Gillian discovers a mosaic of Cupid and a Celtic Queen and is convinced that this is a tale of love. Gillian’s archaeological imagination leaps forward, while Ben attempts to be pragmatic and rational. Trapped by a cave-in and seeping gas, they are forced further into the caverns where they discover [size=150:19ad4t6t]a minefield of Roman explosives[/size]. hock: hock:

Gillian and Ben confront their past and learn the truth of Boudicca’s fate, while Gregory and Viv struggle to decode a cryptic clue from a palimpsest that could save their friends.

Julie Graham stars as Professor Gillian Magwilde, Hugh Bonneville as Professor Gregory Parton, Adrian Lester as Doctor Ben Ergha, Gugu Mbatha Raw as Viv Davis and Michael Maloney as Professor Daniel Mastiff.

Guest stars in this week’s episode include: Jonathan Ais as Jeff Greenwood, Anthony Green as Marcus Quintanus, Shauna MacDonald as Boudicca, Jay Villers as Cassius and Sally Dexter as Gloria.

[Libitina]

So, did anyone else brave it tonight?

[brennivs - tony drake]

I did and hmm, not what I would think a good story line, and costume went out the window again. The residents of Bath will all be leaving now as to the potential time bomb underneath there feet. and this Sword thing I will just watch to see what it turns out to be :?
Regards Brennivs

[Carus Andiae]

Predictably dreadful.

Well, a brief resume for those unlucky enough to have missed it:

Opening caption: England v. Italy AD61. (We're off to a good start) We see a big fire, some screams and a couple of Eagle Standards (nothing like the real thing, naturally) and a Roman soldier in a good Gallic helemt but leather armour.

Back to the present day, and it's Valentine's Day in Bath (and presumably everywhere else, although I wouldn't take anything for granted in Bonekicker World).

An unexpected Earth tremour opens up a route in the Celtic caverns which have long been known to be there, but always inaccesible. The place might collapse at any moment, access is forbidden by the engineer. Naturally the Bonekickers decide to do an unauthorised dig. They find numerous Celtic artefacts (a ring, a belt buckle) and a human jawbone. Sexist Archaeologist Man in Hat (I can't remember his name, nor do I really care) and Attractive Black Girl (ditto) go off to get the test the jawbone, because SAM "does a good strontium [analysis]". Meanwhile Gillian and Ben carry on, find a tiny hole, go in, place collapses and they're trapped. Hoorah! But sadly not for good.

They find a mosaic of a female Celtic warrior with Cupid. Earlier, it's revealed that an ancient text suggests that a Roman soldier, engineer and inventor called Quintanus supposedly found Boudica, (they're very smug in being able to point out that 'Boadicea' is wrong) who had actually not killed herself, but gone into hiding following her defeat. Gillian decides he imprisoned her down in the hole as a sex slave (because Romans are EVIL!!!) but a cupid in the mosaic demonstrates that actually they were in love, and Quintanus was keeping her hidden there. They flee a mysterious toxic gas (smashing the mosaic to escape) and find some mysterious jars. Gillian decides they're canopic jars (because canopic jars were used widly in Roman Britain, of course). But they turn out to be Roman handgrenades (naturally) which Quintanus had invented. Carefully picking their way through a hoard of these grenades (which are leaking, causing the gas - I think, although it was all a bit of a blur) they come to a chamber were they find Boudica herself, miraculously preserved by the minerals in the water as a red 'Pompeii body cast' style figure. A flashback reveals that they were discovered by a Roman (who was EVIL!!!), Boudica killed himself and then Quintanus killed the other Roman and fled, sowing the floor with his bombs as booby traps. Meanwhile some guff about ancient manuscripts and some Icenii coins found at the Golden House in Rome demonstrates that Quintanus went to Rome and started the Great Fire as revenge for Boudica's death. (Previously, according to SAM, we knew it had been started by the Christians). Then a line deleted by the author of the Life of Quintanus, but surviving as an imprint in a 17th century copy (what??) reveals a secret entrance from which Gillian and Ben escape, having set fire to Boudica somehow. Throughout this there was some anguished talk between Gillian and Ben about their failed university romance, but I wasn't really paying attention. Christmas trees were involved in it somewhere.

The whole things finished off with a moving speech from Ben abotu scientific dreamers and leaps of faith, which basically amounted to "If archaeologists can't find the evidence, they should make it up."

The usual nonsense, overall. Quintanus aside, it was Romans bad, Celts good. The Romans were EVIL!!! because they burnt villages (unlike Boudica, who burnt towns... oops, they seem to have overlooked that) and sought to obliterate the native culture (Romano-British gods, anyone? Sulis Minerva ring a bell?) Dodgy archaeology and history, implausible situations, weak humour, bad script and... basically what you'd expect.

[Libitina]

So fantastic then :lol:

The sexist guy is getting on my nerves (well they all are but in different ways) and the gal doesn't bat an eyelid at what he says!

Numerous "what on EARTH are you doing" moments.

Glad I visited the baths earlier this year and not now Are there tunnels underneath or was that made up too?

[Gaius Julius Caesar]

Was it on again, then?
Now Bath will be flooded by wanna be el quaida members looking for these tunnels.....

[mcbishop]

Glad I visited the baths earlier this year and not now Are there tunnels underneath or was that made up too?

There are tunnels in Bath but they're not under the baths so far as I am aware and would probably be a tad damp (think 'where does all that water come from?'). They were used to quarry bath stone (and for many subsidiary functions but are now being filled in because of problems with subsidence).

What there is not is a hokum mine; the writer(s) of this rubbish appear to have their very own. This clearly falls within the 90% of Sturgeon's Precept.

Mike Bishop

[Libitina]

Was it on again, then?

It's a series of 6 I think. The Roman one was the third. Next week it's:-

Archaeological drama series. The looting of Babylonian relics from the Iraq war starts a trail to the team's doorstep and intertwines with the destiny of the Middle East. When an Iraqi archaeologist from Gillian's past enlists the team's help, they discover a sacred tablet predicting the future of Iraq, as well as an opportunistic war-zone looter and a dodgy antiquities dealer whose lives are in danger.

I'm not sure I can take another three episodes to be honest!

[Libitina]

Glad I visited the baths earlier this year and not now Are there tunnels underneath or was that made up too?

There are tunnels in Bath but they're not under the baths so far as I am aware and would probably be a tad damp (think 'where does all that water come from?'). They were used to quarry bath stone (and for many subsidiary functions but are now being filled in because of problems with subsidence).

What there is not is a hokum mine; the writer(s) of this rubbish appear to have their very own. This clearly falls within the 90% of Sturgeon's Precept.

Mike Bishop

:lol: Fortunately I wasn't viewing it as a educational experience. I like the idea of caves, tunnels, urban exploration etc so will have a look at that link, thanks.

[D B Campbell]

Correct I should have said the last four letters, so for Byron's sake the series is "BONKERS!"

To be honest, Graham, I thought you were just being a little too forthright in your admiration for Julie Graham.

[A_Volpe]

Whoa, I first thought "Bonekickers" was a name of some new wacky crazy-violent sport you guys invented. 8)

[D B Campbell]

I first thought "Bonekickers" was a name of some new wacky crazy-violent sport you guys invented.

Stupid name, anyway. My own experience of archaeology suggests that "Mudkickers" would be more accurate. :roll:

[Memmia]

It must be bad. Hubby switched off halfway through and did the washing up! hock:

[Gaius Decius Aquilius]

I don't really see what the fuss is about. The whole thing sounds in sync with Post-Processual Archaeology anyway.

What does "dodgy" mean?

Ralph I.

[jonwr]

From what I see on message boards this is not a popular program.
People should consider themselves luck that they are not made to watch the drivel shown over here. cry:
Ralph.
The nearest I can come to something over here for "dodgy" is "shakey"or "suspect"
you get my drift.
Jon R.