The Whole North Into Gaul

[Timianus]

What do you guys think so far?

My own meager contribution.

Although he makes a does an excellent job of making Avitus seem gifted in the martial arts, there is some truth in this passage.

1. Delete "makes a"

2. I am assuming you meant Aetius, not Avitus. If you meant the latter, you should introduce him before the quote.

3. I don't know if "although" is the correct introductory word to use. Using "although" leads the reader to believe you are setting up two contrasting ideas. But, as written, the two clauses of this sentence are not in conflict with one another. Consider maybe changing it to "Although this passage might be read merely as an embellishment of Aetius' martial skills, there is some significance to the tribes listed."


Also, this passage contains a comma splice: First to note is that he distinguishes between the Salian Franks and the Franks in general, it would seem that he was referring to the Salii as a group of foederati under their own command. I would suggest either changing the comma to a semicolon or period. In addition, I would not start the sentence with "First to note is that." Consider simplifying to "First, he distinguishes between....."

Finally, as someone not nearly informed in this area as you, what leads you to conclude that Sidonius is listing tribes that were part of Aetius' force? He simply could be comparing his characteristics to those of known barbarian tribes.


.....My 2 cents.