Short Film: Need Romans!

[LAfilmschooldude]

Hello everyone! This is my first post here on RomanArmy and I would just like to say that I think its magnificent how you guys keep history alive!

Now then...

I'm a film major and will soon be attending the Los Angeles Film School, majoring in directing. Now its tough to make it in the film industry believe me. This is the reason why I want to shoot an awesome short film after I finish film school, so as to help me get my foot in the door ya know.

Anyways...

I already have a script. But as for the rest of the preproduction well here it is: I need about a dozen legionaries plus one commander with a complete set of armor and equipment. My original plan was to have everything made by a metal craftsman. I studied the "blueprints" of how to make the Lorica Segmentata for example and found it to be simple enough for me to have about a dozen Loricas made. But now I'm thinking it may be better to hire reenactors since they don't need actor training with regards to the equipment.

So...

I would greatly appreciate any help anyone could offer me. If anybody could point me to someone or in the right direction that would be great! If your interested in knowing the specs about my film just ask me! I could always use more critiques on my script.

[Poftim]

Although I couldn't be in your movie, I am very curious as to the script, could I see it? Or at least know the details of the story?

[Matt Lukes]

Welcome to the RAT forum! Although I too am a bit far away to participate, I'd be happy to give you opinions if they'll help.

One other thing- please put your real name in your profile's signature line- it's a forum rule.

[LAfilmschooldude]

I am very curious as to the script, could I see it? Or at least know the details of the story?

Give me a few days to upload it. Its a short film so the script is less than 15 pages. Im working on a second draft right now but Im nearly finished.

But till then I can summarize it for you.

It opens up in the future 2056 A.D. in Europe, where China has been in occupation of for ten years. Raynor, the main character, who appears to be just another citizen is actually secretly part of a resistance movement against the communists. His organization manages to raid a laboratory of the Chinese military and he gains possesion of several experimental devices. The Chinese military find his apartment with him inside and Raynor immediately activates one of the said devices.

In the next scene we see a dirt road in a dry forest. Everything begins to loose its natural colors and the image turns to look almost exactly like the negative of a photo. Then a white beam of light appears in the middle of the dirt road and quickly vanishes. Everything returns to its normal look and we see Raynor on all fours with steam coming from his body. Hes coughing up blood and is breathing heavy. He turns his head up and sees a Roman legionary on horseback. We are now between the years 50-200A.D. (I havent decided an exact year yet) Raynor is knocked out, arrested, and tied up to the back of the roman's horse. Raynor is taken to a Roman commanders tent. Once there he manages to get free and with the use of futuristic technology is able to communicate in latin. Raynors purpose is revealed when he speaks to the commander of the fall of Rome to barbarian hordes. He gives the Roman commander futuristic force field devices to protect Rome from all her enemies. While Raynor is inputting coordinates back into his time device he is backstabed and killed by the Roman commander in front of several legionaries. The time device activates and the Roman commander walks into the light with any legionaries that have the courage to follow.

The next scene takes place right before dawn in another forest at a hilltop. A Roman scout points something out to the commander. It is a modern city. We are now in the year 2008 A.D. The sun comes up and we are within the calm and peacefull city streets of that said modern city. The Roman legionaries march down the city streets to a specific track Ive selected from Rome: Total War. Some punk teenager insults a legionary, so he is brought down by a pilum. Everyone panicks. A few cops in the area confront the Romans with a halo of bullets. The Romans get into testudo formation and with the help of Raynors force fields massacre the cops. A small boy throws a rock and hits a legionary on his helmet. The Roman becomes enraged and charges at the little boy but collapses a few feet in front of the boy. Startled by this other Romans charge at the boy, but they too collapse. The other legionaries that remained collapse next. The commander walks up to the boy, stops a couple feet in front of him, and looks at his arms which are covered in large green spots. Basically their obsolete immune system could not hope to help them survive. With the Roman commander's last breath he hands the little boy his gladius and says something then dies. We hear police sirens as the boy runs away. THE END.

- Thats the jist of it. Tell me what you think.

[Poftim]

I think it's Interesting. The last paragraph is very "War of the Worlds"-esque (at least the old one, I didn't see the new one)

[Matt Lukes]

Well I see a few issues right off-

1) The Chinese JUST went into space- 40 years after the US and the Russians- and THEY invent time travel? Hmmmmm... :lol:

2) Diseases don't work that fast- even the most deadly take days to kill; it's physically impossible for them to reproduce faster, so all the movies with hour-long incubation times are just silly. And the truth is that the Romans' immune systems would be rather better than ours- ancient bugs are more likely a threat to us, rather than vice versa. Besides you'd have to introduce some bug that isn't common nowadays, explain why everyone now isn't dying from it and yet it's easy for the legionaries to contract.

[Gaius Germanicus]

Welcome to the forum, time travel and the Romans has been an old favorite of mine ever since I saw an early tomorrow people episode. Good luck with your story and I hope it works out for you..

Matt is quite correct about a disease working that fast, if the character needs to die perhaps he should be killed by some type of urban crime or some modern death ie; hit by a car , electrocuted by some device, etc....

[LAfilmschooldude]

Well I see a few issues right off-

1) The Chinese JUST went into space- 40 years after the US and the Russians- and THEY invent time travel? Hmmmmm... :lol:

2) Diseases don't work that fast- even the most deadly take days to kill; it's physically impossible for them to reproduce faster, so all the movies with hour-long incubation times are just silly. And the truth is that the Romans' immune systems would be rather better than ours- ancient bugs are more likely a threat to us, rather than vice versa. Besides you'd have to introduce some bug that isn't common nowadays, explain why everyone now isn't dying from it and yet it's easy for the legionaries to contract.

1. The Chinese military lab is located in Europe. Remember in the beginning the Chinese invade Europe so its like in WW2 when the invading Soviet and American forces stole German rocket technology to develop the ICBM or such things.

2. Yeah about that...its just a movie. If it worked for Spielberg, the greatest film director alive today, then Im sure its good enough to work for me. Even though in War of The Worlds these were aliens, still. Its a short film so I dont have time to get very sci-fi here when it comes to explaining everything. My script is already too long as it is. Usually short films are no more than 10 pages (i.e. 10 minutes). The general public cares more about character development than they care about sci-fi explanations, so I need to save time for the former instead. To be honest this bio-death ending is the only major change I have made to my script. Originally the Romans did not die. They just marched off into the sunset after killing the cops. This angered all the people that read my script. They said it was a good and original story but the ending sucked.

Thanks alot for your input.

[Gaius Germanicus]

Stick to your original storyline , it sounds much better if you let them live to march off into the sunset......to create a new Rome out of the kaos of the modern world :wink:

[LAfilmschooldude]

time travel and the Romans has been an old favorite of mine ever since I saw an early tomorrow people episode.

Are you saying that my story is similar to a certain episode from this tv series? I never heard of Tomorrow People till today. Let me know because I would like to see such an episode.

Matt is quite correct about a disease working that fast, if the character needs to die perhaps he should be killed by some type of urban crime or some modern death ie; hit by a car , electrocuted by some device, etc....

One of the hidden messages of my film is the greatness of technology and how it relates to the remaining threat of nature. Think of it, an ancient people coming to the present and with only one futuristic weapon can still defeat all opposition. Yet at the same time nature, in the form of disease, still defeats technology when technology ignores nature.

I considered having an ending where a mob of people confront the Romans with melee weapons and whatever they can throw at them. I figured I could explain how the force fields handed to the Romans by Raynor of the future work to reflect the force of high speed velocity projectiles, such as bullets, but against slow moving projectiles, like rocks, the force field would not be able to repel them.

[LAfilmschooldude]

Stick to your original storyline , it sounds much better if you let them live to march off into the sunset......to create a new Rome out of the kaos of the modern world :wink:

Exactly my original idea! Sadly this ending would only work with people like you and me: history buffs. Your common joe shmoe doesnt even know our civilization is largely a result of Rome. Ill consider sticking to my original idea though. I figure Ill do what all filmakers do when they are not sure about a certain ending scene: film multiple endings and dont worry about it so much!

You hit the bullseye though. You need to read my script. See Raynor doesnt join an anti-Chinese organization because he hates the occupation. He considers the modern Chinese communists as an extension of a barbarian virus that plagues global civilization. See Raynor is kinda insane like an evil genius. Raynor figures that if he travels to the past to ensure Roman global dominance, modern suffering would not exist.

[Gaius Germanicus]

time travel and the Romans has been an old favorite of mine ever since I saw an early tomorrow people episode.

Are you saying that my story is similar to a certain episode from this tv series? I never heard of Tomorrow People till today. Let me know because I would like to see such an episode.



The Tomorrow People was a kids show similar to Dr Who and to synapse the Roman story...

An individual from the future travels back in time to create his own timeline in which Rome never fell. He does this by bringing one invention back with him "the reciprocating steam engine" and teaches some Romans its principles and uses. They then propagate its use throughout the empire creating an industrial revolution with railroads , motors , etc , thousands of years ahead of their time, Rome never falls and eventually conquers the entire world. The dark ages never occurre and Rome continues in technological development eventually planting the Roman standard on the moon in the 1200s and by the 20th century she has spread out into space conquering the universe… The conflict in the storyline is when the “tomorrow peopleâ€

[Gaius Germanicus]

Stick to your original storyline , it sounds much better if you let them live to march off into the sunset......to create a new Rome out of the kaos of the modern world :wink:

Exactly my original idea! Sadly this ending would only work with people like you and me: history buffs. Your common joe shmoe doesnt even know our civilization is largely a result of Rome. Ill consider sticking to my original idea though. I figure Ill do what all filmakers do when they are not sure about a certain ending scene: film multiple endings and dont worry about it so much!

You hit the bullseye though. You need to read my script. See Raynor doesnt join an anti-Chinese organization because he hates the occupation. He considers the modern Chinese communists as an extension of a barbarian virus that plagues global civilization. See Raynor is kinda insane like an evil genius. Raynor figures that if he travels to the past to ensure Roman global dominance, modern suffering would not exist.

As a writer you will be barraged by many "opinions" on how to "improve" your writings.. Stick to your guns as only you know what you wish to express in art and compromise may hurt the integrity of your stories

[Robert Vermaat]

Sorry dudes, it's OT so I moved it.

[stevesarak]

I like it, there were flaws in the logic, but you find it in a lot of movies. Since it has to do with Rome, I’d watch it. I would just hope that there wasn’t to much about China and communism.

Now I was hoping for a different ending. The legionaries that have the courage to follow go through, the other stand back and watch as the last of them walk through. The Legionaries left behind turn to walk away when the soldiers that had left a moment before, suddenly reappear. But now, they are armed with moderns weapons and tactics. Since the commander now knows how Rome will fall, he goes out and destroys the barbarians first. :wink: